I want to start this off by saying I am not a licensed mental health professional and can’t speak on these matters as such. But one thing I am is a mom that’s been through it. When I was pregnant I remember thinking postpartum depression would never affect me. Or, if it did, I would know and be able to work through it like every mental health struggle I’ve had before. More than that, I heard moms say it was the worst thing they’ve ever experienced. I was more stuck on the pushing a bowling ball out of sensitive areas thing, and figured there’s no way it could be worse than that. Goes to show how much I knew considering I actually have positive memories of giving birth, and that postpartum depression was absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.
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I guess that’s where I was confused. How could being depressed be the worst thing I’ve ever experienced? I haven’t had a life of entirely sunshine and rainbows or anything. But the reality of it was that I was experiencing the best gift I’ve ever been given (my son), but I still wasn’t happy. Not to say that my son didn’t make me happy, because he did. Even in the midst of the worst of it he made me so happy I would literally cry about how happy he made me. But in some ways that made it worse. Postpartum depression hit me hard, and I had no idea what to do about it.
What is postpartum depression:
Postpartum depression is defined by Oxford Languages as “depression suffered by a mother following childbirth”. Anybody that has struggled with postpartum depression knows that it’s more than that though. It’s a struggle that makes you feel like a totally different person than you were before. And it happens at such a crucial moment in your life that it becomes even harder to handle.
My experience with it/what does it feel like:
Postpartum depression feels different for everyone, but for me it felt like nothing and everything at the same time. It felt like I was so overwhelmed I was going to explode, but also some days I felt so numb I could barely function. I was so happy to have my son, but I felt like I didn’t deserve him. I was exhausted all the time, physically (the newborn phase will do that to anyone), but also mentally. Everything felt hard to handle. It just felt like this overwhelming jumble of emotions that were so powerful I couldn’t feel them anymore. Have you ever seen a movie where there’s some conflict going on but the main character is zoned out and only hears ringing? That’s what it felt like in my brain. The only difference was both the screaming/conflict and the quiet ringing were coming from my head. There wasn’t actually screaming in my head but I was so angry there might as well have been.
The anger was the worst part for me. My poor husband got yelled at for the silliest things. I once woke him up and yelled at him to get out of the house because he clearly didn’t love me if he was going to ruin what little sleep I got by snoring. Now we think it’s funny how stupid some of the things we got in fights over were, but there were moments in the months following my son’s birth that we genuinely weren’t sure if we were going to make it. I was SO mean to him for no reason at all, and I’m not afraid to admit it.
I know this all sounds dramatic. In a lot of ways I am being dramatic right now, but it’s for a reason. I didn’t have a single person there that understood what I was going through and it made it 10x worse. I thought I was so dramatic and completely crazy, but I didn’t have any control over it. So I’m talking about all the extremes that I experienced in the first 6-9 months postpartum. If you relate to any of this, or anything similar, you should probably go talk to a professional about postpartum depression. I know it’s scary, but trust me, you’re not alone.
What are some common things said to help prevent or manage postpartum depression:
Breastfeeding:
I know it may seem counterintuitive because breastfeeding is produced by hormones and hormones makes you think crazy emotions, but breastfeeding has been shown to lower the risk of developing postpartum depression. This is because the body releases oxytocin when you breastfeed in order to promote bonding between baby and mama. Oxytocin is the feel good hormone that is released during a variety of other activities that are shown to reduce stress. Because of this, it is less likely a mom will struggle with postpartum depression while breastfeeding. Of course, this isn’t foolproof. I exclusively breastfed my son and still struggled, so don’t feel bad if you’re in the same boat.
Consuming Your Placenta:
There can be some controversy here, but it’s considered an overall beneficial thing to consume your placenta after birth. You can do this by sending your placenta to get encapsulated and then taking the pills by mouth daily. Your placenta holds tons of amazing nutrients that you had been passing to your baby throughout your pregnancy. Those are the same types of nutrients that your body loses during birth. By encapsulating and consuming your placenta you help your body return to the level of nutrients it’s supposed to be at. A lot of times postpartum depression can be caused, or worsened, by certain deficiencies, so this is an easy way to help prevent that.
Taking Supplements:
On the same line of thought as consuming your placenta, you can also take other supplements. This will help you combat any of those deficiencies that you may be struggling with. Personally, my iron levels were pretty low, I did not encapsulate my placenta, and I was horrible at remembering to take supplements. My husband bought me a pill container to try to make it easier for me to remember to take them, which I would definitely recommend, but it wasn’t fool proof. Supplements are not always the best way to get certain vitamins and minerals into your body, but if you’re suffering consequences of having low levels of things you need they’re a great place to start.
Eating healthy:
Making sure your meals are well balanced is also an important part of maintaining healthy levels inside your body. Especially if you’re breastfeeding, fueling your body with food and water is crucial. Everybody gets hangry if they don’t eat enough, so now imagine you just grew a human being, pushed them out, are sustaining them entirely off milk you are creating inside your body, barely sleeping while doing all that, and then didn’t eat right. Anybody would feel like a disaster after all that. And postpartum hormones on top of that? Oof.
Exercising:
As much as I hate the pressure we as a society put on moms to bounce back after birth, exercising is still crucial. You are not expected to look a certain way right after you grew a baby, so don’t go into exercising with that mindset. But getting your body moving as soon as you can is so so helpful. I went on daily walks with my baby and sometimes those moments are the only ones where I felt sane. Make sure you take time to fully rest and recover before you start trying to do any sort of exercise though.
What are real resources you can use (paid and free):
Local Maternal Mental Health Psychologist(paid):
Talking to a licensed professional is a really great place to start if you’re struggling with postnatal depression. That being said, it can be incredibly helpful if you specifically look for a psychotherapist that specializes in maternal mental health. A professional that understands specifically what you are going through will be able to assist you better through your postpartum phase.
Online Therapy:
If going to in person therapy isn’t your thing this might be a great time to check out online therapy. You can call, text, or video chat with therapists whenever is convenient to you. This is great if you don’t have anyone to watch your kid, or if going in to doctors offices causes you anxiety.
Postpartum Depression Workbook(paid):
When I was struggling after giving birth, paying to go to therapy was not financially an option that I had. I looked for other options and ended up getting the Postpartum Depression Workbook. It’s a fairly cheap way to do a self guided walk through of cognitive behavioral therapy. This is basically what you would do with a therapist, but it will be entirely up to you to reflect internally and put these tips into practice. I personally think it was incredibly helpful, and would be a really solid option if therapy is out of your budget.
Maternal Mental Health Hotline(free):
If you feel like you are in need of someone to talk to and don’t know where else to go you can call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA. This is a completely free hotline you can call OR TEXT at any time and you’ll get a response from a trained counselor. There are resources for you! These people want to talk to you and be there for you so do not hesitate to reach out.
Check out my post about how to feel like you again after having a baby:
Click here to go read my post about things that I did to make me feel like me again after having a baby. It’s easy to feel like a completely different person, but don’t worry, this will pass. And in the mean time, work on feeling comfortable with who you are as a mom now!
What to do when you feel like you can’t do anything else:
It’s really hard to struggle with something this complex and taboo. Moms are expected to go through this wild ride of a time in their life with grace and ease. It can put a lot of pressure on us moms. So what should you do when you feel like you can’t do anything else? Talk to someone. Start with your safety person whether that’s your mom or your spouse or your best friend. Then maybe a professional. Your midwife or OBGYN could recommend some resources for you if you don’t know where to go directly. And then just take a few deep breathes and remember that you have the greatest gift you could ever receive. And more than that, you do deserve that gift. That beautiful baby of yours was built out of your love and that’s special. Treasure it.
Will it get better?
Absolutely. It doesn’t feel like it ever gets better when you’re stuck in it. It’s actually hard to even realize it’s getting better even when it is. It’s not until like a year later that you’ll look back and realize you don’t feel like that anymore. But when you do look back on it you’ll say thank god I got through it, and I’m a better person and mom for it today.